Dulcie's Homebirth after 2 Caesareans

To explain how beautiful this birth was, I need to start from the beginning.

My first birth was a “failed” induction, started the oxytocin drip, baby went into distress and ended in an “emergency c-section”. This culminated into sepsis, followed by a week in hospital on antibiotics, a blood transfusion and trying to bond with my baby separated in NICU.

20 months later and still not knowing about my choices and rights I had 3 sweeps as I went over my “due date”. I was desperate for baby to be in my arms and this impatience completely clouded my judgement. Early labour started after the 3rd sweep and I tried to sleep through the night.

In the early hours after almost an hour of consistent contractions we went to hospital. Again my impatience clouded things as I hadn’t technically had the 3 in 10 contractions, I was just desperate to get to hospital where I thought we’d be safe.

At hospital I was checked and was only 2-3cms. This was so upsetting and frustrating.

I then had my waters broken, baby had an electronic continuous monitor put onto his head - I was never told any risks about this - and then I was put onto the drip as I wasn’t dilating quickly enough, (despite my cries and refusal as I hated the oxytocin drip) then baby went into distress and bam 💥 cue “emergency c- section”, I got sepsis again and another week long hospital stay.

This time being the covid pandemic, John only saw us for 2 hours a day which was very difficult for us.           

22 months later I did something different. I waited for baby to come on their own terms. However frustrating, boring, uncomfortable, anxious and impatient I felt I was determined to not have intervention in this process.

I read books on physiological births, I watched natural births, i listened to homebirth and VBAC (vaginal birth after c section) podcasts and I felt empowered. I regularly saw a chiropractor throughout to keep myself aligned and for sciatica.

Me and John created a calm birth space. This allowed me to visualise the birth I wanted and I relied heavily on the birth affirmations in the last few days of looking after a wild toddler.

Given my history hospital consultants and the midwives were cautious for me to birth at home. I’d had two big postpartum blood losses and I was deemed high risk especially for a homebirth.

After having lots of chats in my antenatal appointments, a meeting with my hospital consultant and the manager, I was told I could make an informed choice (as long as I knew all the big risks!!) I felt exhausted by the fear but I also felt empowered and listened to my gut instinct that this time would be different.

After seemingly endless days of prodromal labour and slowly losing my plug / the show, things finally started.

On Saturday night on two of my usual toilet breaks i needed to change my pants as id leaked through them. Unsure if it was discharge, my waters or pee I went back to sleep. Then in the early hours of Sunday morning I finally started having contractions. I power napped in between them trying to imagine it was just fake labour as they were irregular and different lengths and intensity.

At 8am my mum came and picked up Raphie and I said I could be ringing you in the afternoon to come back but we’ll see.

Over the course of the morning I put the tens machine on my back as the contractions intensified but remained irregular, whilst John finished setting up the birth space in our dining room ( he cleared away all the toys, washing & created calm lighting).

By 1pm I was exhausted as I’d been up in the night but felt fearful of not being in active labour. Unable to rest and sleep in between the contractions the lovely juniper homebirth midwife Emma came with some oramorph to help me rest in between, knowing that early labour could go on for a long time i didn’t want people here too early incase I stalled.

I felt myself instantly relax as she guided me through my contractions, reminding me to breathe, relax my shoulders and let go of tension and fear. Each surge was bringing my baby closer to me!! She was amazing at helping me remember my hypnobirthing tools, making me feel calm and safe.

After a few close together contractions, I asked to be checked (something I didn’t think I’d want but I was flagging and believing I couldn’t do this with no end in sight) but I was 5cms and in active labour! This gave me the biggest boost knowing this was the real deal and baby was coming! It meant I could ask my birth support , midwife and close friend to come for moral support.

Over the next few hours I breathed through contractions doing my best to remember all the hypnobirthing guidance, John filled the pool and finally by 7 I was desperate to get into the water. I felt myself transitioning and already had the urge to bear down and push.

Once I got into the water I felt instantly relaxed. I felt safe and knew I could birth my baby. The relief of the water was better than any epidural or gas and air i had in previous births. It was so satisfying and took the pressure off my legs and back. Waiting for the pool until the last moments worked out perfectly in the end.

The atmosphere in the room was so calm, and yet rain poured down outside and the biggest thunderstorm erupted. Seeing the lightening pierce through the window and hearing the thunder I felt everything was in perfect timing.  

As the contractions came I pushed down. I imagined how animals like elephants give birth,- without fear and seemingly without pain. It was just a bodily function, and my body was doing exactly what it was supposed to do. I kept repeating to myself my baby and I are working together.

The baby’s head started to emerge and over the course of an hour it came forward and back. I started to flag but the midwives assured me baby was making space in the birth canal and opening me up to be born and all was normal.

They regularly checked baby’s heart rate (I felt baby was fine anyway) and I stroked the top of baby’s head in between the contractions. This gave me the power to continue… knowing we’d meet soon and knowing baby is enduring birth with me. With guidance I stood up to help baby get into a better position and after pushing with all my might the head fully emerged. I felt myself tear at the top. Although I was stinging a bit feeling the babies ears and head helped keep me focused.

The midwives told me with the next contraction I would meet my baby and birth their body. This was a shock and I couldn’t believe it would nearly be over. As the next contraction emerged I pushed and breathed as my baby came out and the midwife passed them up into my arms.

It took me a moment to really process what had happened and I was completely in shock and awe. Everyone celebrated as I held them in my arms and patted their back. Hearing their cries filled my heart and soul. After a few minutes John said shall we see what’s the sex, we turned baby.. Raphie has a new brother.

After a few minutes of cuddles the midwives suggested we move from the pool on to the comfy sofa to birth the placenta. This was going to be a scary part (due to my previous blood losses) but I was determined to birth it naturally.

The midwives left me and John to have cuddles and I breastfed whilst smelling baby’s head to keep all the oxytocin flowing and remain in a happy bubble. After 45 minutes the midwives came in to ask how we were and if I felt anything. I did feel some pressure so they helped me stand up and the placenta came out on its own. I had minimal loss and I felt on cloud 9! John ordered pizza and I drank a delicious cup of tea with my new babe. Just as I had dreamed of!

Soon it was time for stitches, and I sat in the bath attempting to do my first wee whilst John had skin-to-skin cuddles. I ate croissants and slices of pizza with my friend and I felt so completely fulfilled that my dream birth had come true. Everything I never thought I’d get, had come true.

After baby was weighed. We all guessed around 9 pounds, knowing Raphie was 9 pounds 7 we knew he’d be heavy but we were not prepared for 10 pounds 3 ounces. The midwives finished their notes, they helped clean up the pool and birth space whilst I rested and breastfed baby.

By midnight I was upstairs with baby boy, whilst John finished cleaning and the midwives left. Giving birth at home was everything I dreamed it would be and so much more magical than I can explain in words. Waking up in my own bed, not having to leave or go out for days or weeks or until I would feel ready. The first days where Raphie would see his brother but then go off with family for day trips out or with john meant I could soak up all the newborn moments whilst allowing myself time to heal.

This birth reaffirmed what I already knew, those in your birth space hold so much power. In your most vulnerable they can make you stronger or aid you succumbing into fear. Their energy and words are heightened and you are so susceptible. BUT I learnt that birth doesn’t always feel like dying or excruciating pain, I didn’t need pain relief as it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. I understand the term ring of fire but it also wasn’t what I thought it would be. This was the best night of my life, and I want to do it again. (Sorry John).